I watched a toddler take her first steps. It was remarkable. She just... pushed off, wobbled a little, took a step and then kept going. It was equal parts excitement, confusion and joy…
It was no great surprise that she didn't look around the room for permission or validation.
It’s not far-fetched to think that in a couple of decades, that same human is now in the office asking their boss if the presentation was "okay," or obsessively refreshing social media to see if anyone liked the latest post. Somewhere along the line, we seem to have traded our innate superpower of self-belief for the fragile crutch of external validation.
Don't get me wrong - seeking support and encouragement from others isn't inherently bad. We're social creatures, after all. The problem arises when we start treating others' opinions as the ultimate source of truth about our worth and capabilities.
Take Adam, for example. He walked hesitantly into his MD's office after turning down a significant promotion. Known for neither empathy nor humility, his boss barked, "What the f*%k are you scared of?" This outburst, masquerading as 'support', only served to reinforce the self-doubt.
Or consider George, who asked his Director for help preparing for an upcoming interview. The response? "They're not going to hire you. You don't know what you're doing." This utter dismissal, cloaked as 'honesty', crushed George's confidence just when he needed it most.
These stories aren't meant to paint a grim picture of human interaction. They're reminders that when we outsource our belief, we're often met with other people's shortcomings, insecurities, or plain old bad days.
So why do we keep looking outward instead of inward? Perhaps it's because self-belief feels like a muscle we've forgotten how to flex. It's easier to hope someone else will lift our spirits than to do the heavy lifting ourselves. Or maybe we're afraid that if we believe in ourselves and fail, we'll have no one else to blame.
But here's the truth: you are far more capable and likely to succeed when you can find belief and confidence from within. Your inner belief is an unlimited wellspring of energy, always available, no matter where you are or who you're with.
Cultivating this self-belief isn't about puffing yourself up with false bravado or ignoring constructive feedback. It's about recognizing your inherent worth and potential, independent of external circumstances. It's about treating yourself with the same kindness and encouragement you'd offer a friend. It's about remembering that toddler who didn't need anyone's permission to take her first steps.
So how do we reclaim our superpower of self-belief? Here are three powerful strategies to get you started:
Practice positive self-talk: Catch yourself when you're being self-critical and reframe those thoughts. What would you say to a friend in your situation? Your inner dialogue shapes your reality, so make it a supportive one.
Keep a 'wins' journal: Write down your daily successes, no matter how minor they seem. Did you make a tough phone call? Nail a presentation? Finally organize that messy drawer? Jot it down. Review your journal regularly to remind yourself of your capabilities and progress.
Challenge your comfort zone: Regularly do things that scare you a little. Each time you survive (or thrive!), you'll build trust in your own resilience. Start small – maybe it's speaking up in a meeting or trying a new hobby. Gradually increase the challenge as your confidence grows.
Remember, belief isn't just a superpower - it's your superpower. And it's been there all along, waiting for you to remember how to use it. So the next time you find yourself seeking validation or confidence from others, pause.
Take a deep breath. And ask yourself: "What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?" Then believe in yourself, and take that step. Your inner toddler is cheering you on.
Comments