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The Lost Art of Conversation: Why We Need to Talk More (and How to Do It)



I have a vivid memory when I was small of watching my dad have a conversation with a stranger in a shopping centre. People would gravitate to him, or he to them, in a way that even my child’s mind knew was an outlier. I was much older before I found the words for what I felt. 


He made them feel comfortable by asking a question they could answer. He was genuinely curious and being in a wheelchair, I guess they didn’t need to self protect. That was before texts, smart phones, snapchat and email - tools that have introduced a conversation phobic culture in the same way that I suspect AI will rust out our confidence to solve problems alone. 


Conversation is one of the most powerful tools we possess. The ground zero of building relationships. It is the conduit for solving problems we can’t solve alone. In a time poor world it is a steroid for efficiency and effectiveness in meetings.  It connects humans to each other who otherwise cannot begin to understand each others’ experiences of the world.  Research suggests we often find it hard to understand our own experiences of the world until we share them aloud.  


I once heard someone in an argument say he had more experience than the other person.  The retort was “Just because you’ve been walking all your life, doesn’t mean you’ve gotten any better at it.” I stifled a chuckle at his excellent point. Conversation is similar.


The power of focus on conversation is worth it, yet we mostly only stop to focus on a conversation if we want to impress someone (date/job interview/coffee with the big boss), or fear upsetting them. There’s magic in the middle.


Try some of these to get started… and see our attached tips for Coaching Conversations.


  1. Small talk with no ongoing relationship (Uber driver): Compliment. “You’ve made my day easy”

  2. Small talk with an ongoing relationship (local cafe or work elevator): Ask a question “Best thing about your day?

  3. Short talk with power differential (new grad): Personal share: “I’ve had the stupid jingle from the Bunnings ad in my head all day” 

  4. Business coffee chat: There are lots of things it would be good to talk through but what would be most helpful in this time?

  5. Meetings: What outcomes do we want to get from this meeting?

  6. Staff 1-1s: What is the real challenge in this, do you think?


Let us know how you go or drop some feedback in What’s on Your Mind if there’s a common challenge you’d like suggestions for.




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